Half Marathon

Oh my goodness!  I did it!!  I just signed up for the Dallas Half Marathon in December.  Am I totally crazy?!  My friend and I are signing up together.  We will probably walk most of it with a little bit of jogging thrown in.  :)  This is a wonderful goal for me to spend the next 4 months working towards.  Wish me luck!!

Weigh In

I weighed in at Weight Watchers on Thursday night.  I was down .4 which brings me back to 85 pounds gone forever!  I will weigh in at Weight Watchers for 2 more weeks and then my membership will expire.

My week

It has been a good week.  I head back to work tomorrow (after my summer break).  I am looking forward to it.  It will be good to be back in the routine.   I love my job so that makes it easier too.  :)

I was down .4 pounds this week making my total 84.6.  I am still weighing in at Weight Watchers until the end of the month when my membership is done.  I have also started the weighing at home process to keep track of it here too.  

Binge eating is such a struggle for me.  I wish I could wave a magic wand and have it not be an issue ever again!  But, I know it is something I will struggle with for the rest of my life.  The bad part for me is that I can sense it coming on and I just don't care.  I know it's going to happen and I let myself do it.  I am hoping that part will get better and that I will be able to work through those feelings and stop the binge before it starts.  It's persistence, not perfection!  That's for sure!!  

I have discovered a new app for listening to podcasts on my phone.  It is called Stitcher.  I LOVE it!  I had been using the ITunes podcast app.  It was a pain and most of the time would not download the episodes I wanted to listen too.  With this app, the episodes are already there, no downloading.  I totally love it and it has given me the opportunity to branch out a little to some other podcasts.  (Since I am all caught up on Half Size Me).   I highly recommend it if you are into that kind of thing.  :)  And, it's a free app which is an added benefit.   

http://www.stitcher.com/

A Tough Decision

I have been contemplating for a couple of months now whether I should continue with Weight Watchers.  I love the program.  It has meant so much to me for the past year! (July 18th was my 1 year date).  I have enjoyed going to the meetings, having a safe/secure place to weigh in each week and most of all, I have enjoyed Thursday night being MY night.  I look forward to it every week.

I have really had to think through why I go to Weight Watchers.  Honestly, their topics repeat.   Most people probably don't stick around for a year so they wouldn't notice the repeating topics.  Don't get me wrong, I have loved the leaders that I have had.  It's not them.  They are given a topic to discuss for the week and that's what they have to do.  I get it.  I just need more.  One of the things I don't like is that once you reach lifetime, you have a 2 pound weight gain window (you weigh in once a month).  If you have gone above the 2 pounds, you have to pay $13.  Let's face it, there are times of the month that I can gain 2 pounds overnight or just by drinking a couple of extra glasses of water.

About 7 months ago, I found the Half Size Me Community.  (See my interview in a previous post).  :)  With this community, I have found exactly the support that I need.  There is a weekly online meeting, 24/7 support and I believe that I have made some lasting friendships with people all over the country.  The support with Weight Watchers consists of their e-tools (online) and a 30 minute/week meeting.  I have never really used the e-tools with the exception of looking up points for restaurants.

All that to say, I have decided to terminate my Weight Watchers membership.  Believe me, this decision did NOT come easily.  I have decided to make Half Size Me my main weight loss support.  I will still count Weight Watchers points and follow their plan (mostly).  (Over the past couple of months, I have changed some things up).  Work/school are starting back up soon.  I know with all of the commitments for my kids (football/band), I am going to be very busy going to this event/that event, etc.  I would always get very frustrated when something interfered with my weigh in night at Weight Watchers.  When you work so hard all week long, you really want to go and get on the scale.  :)  I think this decision will save me a lot of frustration.  I will begin weighing on Thursday mornings when I get out of bed.  I will post my weight and any loss or gain to my HSM group.  They will keep me accountable.  :)

If you are looking to lose weight, I highly recommend Weight Watchers.  It is a great way to get started and for a lot of people, it is exactly what they need to get to their goal.  For me, I'm beginning to see that I need to move on.  Yes, I am scared.   This will be totally new for me and I will really miss MY Thursday evenings.  But, I know with the support that I have, I can do this!!

Summer

One of my favorite things about summer is fresh fruit!  I LOVE watermelon.  The only bad thing about it is that it is a pain to cut.  It definitely pays to have a good knife!!

My First 5K

I ran my first 5K on Memorial Day, May 26, 2013.  I had trained for 9 weeks using the C25K app.  I was so excited and pumped to be able to do this.  I ended up running most of it and my finishing time was 38:38.  I was very proud of that time!  I did not run the entire race but did run most of it.  Dave, Julia, Kirsten and David were there to cheer me on!  I really had a great time!  Excited to do it again.  :)

New Look

I had a friend come over today and help me with my blog.  Thanks Jenn!!  I am excited to get back into it.  I have tabs now.  My hope is to start adding recipes, etc.  I have lots to talk about from the past several weeks.  It has been a little crazy but I have gotten myself back on track!

I will be catching up on some posts that should have already been done so bear with me.  :)

My Half Size Me Interview

Today is a big day for me.  I was interviewed for the Half Size Me podcast.  Wow, me....on a podcast.  Never saw that one coming!  I haven't gotten the nerve to listen yet.  I will eventually.  :)  Here is the link:


http://www.halfsizeme.com/124/


If you are visiting my blog as a result of the interview, please know that I started this blog for me as a way to journal my weight loss.  There is nothing fancy about it, that's for sure.  I would like to add to it but can't seem to figure out how to do it.  Anyone want to help me??  Lol!

Weekly Weigh In

I don't think I posted last week.  It has been busy getting ready to go on vacation, etc.  This past week I was down 1.8 making my total gone forever 86.4!!!  So exciting!  :)

Weekly Weigh In

I was up .2 this week making my total gone forever 83.6 pounds.  I ended up working out right before I weighed in and was soaking wet so in reality, I probably wasn't up at all.  Also, I have had "huge" losses the past few weeks.  I am at a point where I focus on my averages.  I know the scale is going to go up and down at this point in my journey and I am totally fine with that!

I am almost done with work for the summer!  I have a few days to finish up and then I am off for about 8 weeks!  So excited for that!!  I am looking forward to working on my blog.  I have a friend who is going to help me with the layout.  I want to be better about posting, etc.  The past couple of months have been crazy busy finishing up the school year.

Weekly Weigh In

I weighed in on Thursday evening.  I lost 2 pounds.  Total pounds gone forever:  83.8!

Weekly Weigh In

I weighed in last night and lost 3 pounds!!  Woohoo!!  I was totally shocked.  81.8 pounds gone forever!  I am looking to running my first 5K on Monday morning.  I have an upper respiratory infection right now so I am hoping all of these meds kick in fast!!

Weekly Weigh In and Podcast Interview

I weighed in on Wednesday evening this week and was down 1.2 pounds.  That is a total of 78.8 pounds gone forever! 

On Friday night, I was interviewed for the Half Size Me podcast.  It will air sometime in June.  I was very honored that Heather wanted to interview me.  I was very nervous but it went well!  I'm glad that I accepted the invitation and didn't turn it down due to nervousness.  I am hoping that someone will be touched by my story and be encouraged! 

Binge Eating

I had a realization on Saturday night.  It was one of those moments where I thought to myself, "duh, why haven't you realized this before?!?!"  I realized that I will always deal with the temptation to binge eat.  It is NOT going to go away.  There is no ultimate cure for it.  I do have the opportunity to change how I deal with these temptations.  How I handle these times is what matters most.  Do I allow myself to binge eat or do I "fight through it"? 

I had a sense of peace after realizing this.  Lately, when I have had feelings of wanting to binge eat, it makes me feel like a failure.  It's as though all of my hard work in the past 10 months has been for nothing.  I sure do wish there was a magic cure but I am ready to fight this lifelong battle!!

Weekly Weigh In

I weighed in on Thursday evening.  I was down 2.6!!  That makes my total 77.6 pounds gone forever!  I have realized over the past couple of weeks that I am starting to make better "healthy food" choices.  One afternoon last week, I really wanted a granola bar.  I decided to have a greek yogurt with chia seeds added.  I knew it was a better choice!  I felt so proud of myself afterwards as I just plain felt better than I would have with a carby granola bar.  :)

Weekly Weigh In

I weighed in last night.  I was up .2.  I did everything and tracked like I was supposed to this past week.  I know that it is just my body's fluctuation and it is perfectly normal.  On an average, I am still losing 1.83 pounds a week.  That is a wonderful average and I have to focus on that!  If I let myself get discouraged with the weeks I have gained, had "small" losses or stayed the same, I would have given up a long time ago.  I know how I feel.  I know that I have to pull my jeans up constantly because they want to fall off.  I know that I can walk and move around so much better.  I know that I am RUNNING!!  (I never thought I would be able to say that)!  This is a lifelong journey for me.  I am trying to enjoy each stage and size that I am at.  I look forward to achieving each goal that I have set for myself!

Hungry!

I have been so hungry this week!  It seems like no matter what I eat, I'm still hungry.  I have tried to be healthy.  I have combined carbs and protein, eaten fruits and veggies, etc. but I'm STILL hungry!  I am excited that I haven't allowed myself to binge.  Normally, when I go through this, I end up eating everything in sight but I have not done that. 

So, just now, I ate probably 12 points worth of cereal.  Yes, cereal!!  It was what sounded good.  I don't eat cereal very often so when I crave it, I try to allow myself a splurge.  (I usually don't splurge to the tune of 12 points).  Today, I decided that I would rather eat "too much" cereal than something else that I really don't want.  I know how the cycle goes.  I eat something that I really don't want but that may be a healthier choice.  I'm still not satisfied.  I try again....eat something that I really don't want but that may be a healthier choice, etc.  About 3 hours later, I end up binging on cereal (which is what I really wanted in the first place).  Now, instead of having to only count the 12 points for the cereal, I have to count the numerous points for the food that I was trying to satisfy the craving with.  I'm learning!  It's not always easy, but I'm learning!

I lost them and don't every want to find them!

I hit 75 pounds gone forever this week!  That is one thing in this life that I lost and don't ever want to find.  Hitting 75 pounds gone was a goal for me.  7 years ago, I lost 74 pounds.  For some reason, at that point, I gave up and slowly put it all back on plus 16 of its friends!  It really has been a mental goal to pass that number this time.  Now, I can move forward and never look back.

Running

I had an amazing couple of days with my running.  On Friday, I was off for Good Friday.  I went to the bridge in the morning.  I did week 6, day 3 of my app.  It was walk 5 minutes and then run 22 minutes.  I ran the 22 minutes, felt good and decided to keep going.  I ended up doing 3.4 miles without stopping!  I could hardly believe it!  I have had a secret dream of running ever since I can remember.  I have never thought I could do it.  As I got older and put more weight on, this dream really became so distant for me.  Well, I'm doing it!!!  I'm so excited.  I absolutely love it!  On Saturday, I decided to do it again.  I ran 3.5 miles this time.  Yay me!  Today is Easter and I decided to take a break from any exercise.  Probably a smart decision!  :)

Weekly Weigh In

I weighed in Thursday evening.  It had been two weeks since I was at Weight Watchers.  I lost 1.8 pounds.  73.8 total! 

C25K Update

I completed week 5 yesterday.  Week 5, day 3 is the dreaded day.  Those of you who have used this app know exactly what I am talking about.  Week 5, day 2 goes like this.... walk 5 minutes, run 8 minutes, walk 5 minutes, run 8 minutes, walk 5 minutes.  Week 5 day 3 goes like this....  walk 5 minutes, run 20 minutes.  EEK!!!  I was scared to death.  I wanted to do this so badly and not stop!  Well, I did it!!!  I even ran extra after walking for awhile.  I ended up doing 4.57 miles.  I am estimating that I ran 2 1/2 miles of that.  I was so excited when I got done!

I did something different for this run.  I decided to go run the bridge in my town.  We live near a lake.  They have made a walking path across the lake.  It is 2 miles each direction.  Straight, flat, etc.  I have never been on it before.  Not sure why, just haven't.  I decided it might be a good place for my 20 minute run so I headed over there yesterday.  I loved it!  It was beautiful.  I will definitely be going there more frequently.  :)

Weekly Weigh In

I did not weigh in this week.  We had kindergarten roundup Thursday night at school which I had to attend and so I decided to skip the week of Weight Watchers.  It was an interesting week for me.  I really had to evaluate the "number on the scale" syndrome.  I try so hard not to focus on that number.  This week, with knowing that I was not going to weigh in, I struggled with feelings like...

1.  I can eat whatever I want.  No one will know and I have a week to work it off.
2.  I can eat as much sodium as I want to.  I'm not weighing in so it really doesn't matter.

It was kind of a challenge for me.  I ended up doing just fine but really had to work through some of those feelings.  The sodium factor was kind of nice.  I had soup for lunch on Wednesday and didn't have to worry about it affecting my weight loss. 

It was an extremely busy/stressful week at work.  For this reason and the reason mentioned above, there were times I really wanted to binge eat.  But.... I DIDN'T!!  I am proud of myself for getting through it.  :)

6 Month Thyroid Visit

I see an Endocrinologist for my thyroid.  I have had thyroid disease for probably 8-10 years now.  I had my 6 month check up on Wednesday.  She was SOOO excited for me that I had lost weight, am exercising, etc.  She has always encouraged me to do it but like we all know, you have to be in that place or it doesn't work.  My thyroid numbers improved drastically.  She said that the dose I am currently on is way too much.  She is going to ease me into a smaller dose.  I have been losing chunks of hair in the mornings which is a sign of thyroid issues.

 

She also figured up my BMI for me.  She said that when I started at in July, I was at 42.  Now, almost 9 months later, I am at 32.  Wow, just wow!! 

I was able to visit with her about a good goal weight for me.  I have always carried my weight well.  I think it has been a detriment to me in the past because people will say, "oh, you look good".  I always laughed on the inside because I knew that I weighed at least 275 pounds.  In no way does someone who weighs 275 pounds "look good".  I talked to the Dr. about it.  She told me that she thinks 200 is a good weight for me but that I should shoot for 185.  She really doesn't think I need to get much below that.  I told her that I agree with her.  Weight Watchers says the top of my weight scale is 164.  I do not think that is a healthy weight for me.  I think 185 is reasonable and that is what I think I will shoot for.  I need to be at a weight that I can maintain.  I do not want to be at a place where I can not eat anything to be able to maintain my weight.  I want to have some flexibility.  She will write a note for me for weight watchers so that I can be a lifetime member at this weight.  I was so excited to learn that my goal weight is in sight.  When you start out and need to lose well over 100 pounds, it seems like an unreachable goal and like you may never get there! 

Seeing my health numbers go "down" is so encouraging.  I want to be healthy and I am realizing that I am getting there! 

 

Weekly Weigh In

I weighed in last night.  I was down 2.4 pounds.  I was shocked.  I was really hoping to lose .4 to get to my 70 pounds but I flew past that and I am at 72!!  Only 2 more pounds and I will get past the number that I lost 7 years ago when I lost 74 pounds.  That will be a milestone for me.  I need to prove to myself that I can pass that number and go on!

A Wonderful Realization

I had a wonderful thing happen today.  I had a very stressful day at work.  Every time I turned around, someone was asking me for something, the phone was ringing, etc.  I felt close to tears at times.  I had so much to do and couldn't seem to get anything done.  Anyway....all I could think was that I was excited to get home so that I could take a walk.  Later this afternoon, I realized that I did not think about what food I was going to eat to make me feel better, I wanted to TAKE A WALK!!  Nine months ago, I would have gotten myself something very "yummy" and bad for me for lunch but that was not even a thought this time!  :)

Weekly Weigh In

I weighed in on Thursday evening.  I was down 4 pounds!  Woohoo!!  I am very proud of myself for sticking the last few weeks out.  Normally, this would have been enough for me to give up.  But I didn't give up!  I pushed on and it paid off.  :)  I have lost 69.6 pounds total.

Picture Flashback

Dave came across this picture on his phone.  It is from December 2012.  I walked in the Girl Scout parade with Kirsten's troop.  Wow!  I just look miserable.  I remember thinking I looked sporty in my bright hoodie.  This really makes me realize how far I have come!

Weekly Update

I weighed in on Thursday night.  I stayed exactly the same....again....  I knew when I started running that I would struggle on the scale.  It's totally normal for your muscles to retain water for awhile when you change up your exercise routine.  I had myself mentally prepared for a gain.  All of that said, it's still a mental battle.  I feel like I work so hard all week, I want to see the scale go down, right?!?!  I have had to remind myself over the past few days that I feel smaller, I know I am losing inches, my clothes are falling off, Dave keeps telling me how much smaller I look, etc.   Those are what you call non-scale victories!  I know the scale will drop eventually.  I am trying to make this lifestyle all about the number on the scale.  It is a daily mental battle.  One that I am determined to beat!

I completed week one of no soda!  I struggled in the beginning but got through it.  The longer I go, the easier it is.  It is hardest when I eat out.  I have been ordering a large glass of water and mixing in a "true lemon" packet that I have.  It is "natural lemonade".  That helps, for sure!

Yesterday, I completed week 2 of my C25K.  It is going well!  I am a little nervous about this week.  I will have to run 3 minute stretches.  I KNOW I can do it and that I will feel so accomplished when it's done.  :)  I went to Luke's Locker yesterday and bought some running shoes.  I have never had two pairs of tennis shoes at the same time.  lol!  I am planning on wearing these only when I run.  I found out that the 5K I was planning on doing was cancelled.  I have got to find another one.  Kathy, I wish you were here and could run with me.  :)  If we are in Lincoln for Thanksgiving this year, we will do the turkey trot together!!

No soda!

I have decided to give up soda for one month.  I have cut WAY back in the past few months.  The only time I was drinking it was when I ate out once or twice a week.  This past week was tough for me.  I think because I was on spring break, I was craving it more.  Not to mention, the more soda I drink, the more soda I crave!!  I only indulged a few extra times but definitely noticed a difference.  For some reason, when I drink it at dinner time, it really doesn't seem to bother me.  I think I can just sleep off the yucky effects.  (The caffeine keeping me awake has never been a problem).  But, this week I drank it two or three times at lunch time.  I really noticed being hungry for the rest of the day.  Hungry as in wanting to eat my arm kind of hungry.  I think the soda (diet, aspartame, etc) played a major role in that.  It was making me feel like I wanted to binge on sweets, carbs, etc.  I do NOT want to even go there.   I was able to resist those temptations for the most part. 

So, starting today, I am giving it up 100% for a month.  I will still drink my little crystal light energy packet once a day.  That doesn't seem to bother me and it gives me the caffeine I need to get through the day.  (I am not a coffee drinker).

Weekly Weigh In and NSV

I weighed in at Weight Watchers last night.  I stayed exactly the same.  I am totally fine with this.  I fully expected a gain since I have changed up my exercise this week by adding the jogging. 

After my meeting, I went to Penneys to buy a new pair of jeans.  My current jeans are falling off of me.  I literally could pull them down without unbuttoning them.  :/  I know that's a good problem to have but it is sure a frumpy feeling.  Anyway, I was able to buy a size 16!!  I have not worn a 16 for at least 7 years.  Woohoo!!!!!

Conclusion

When I come to my blog to write a post, I always have a hard time trying to decide what to say to end it.  It's become kind of stressful for me.  I'm weird, I know.  It must be some OCD coming out.  Anyway, I was thinking about it this morning.  I decided that my posts shouldn't have a conclusion.  I am NOT finished.  This journey will be on-going for the rest of my life.  There is no conclusion.  That is probably one of the most profound thoughts I have had in a very long time. 

So, if you're reading my blog, I hope you are not disappointed when my posts don't have a conclusion.  I will not allow it to "stress me out" anymore.  :)

C25K update

I completed day 2 of the couch 2 5K this morning.  It went much better than day 1.  I wasn't quite as out of breath and my back really didn't bother me.  I am so excited and ready to conquer this!

I heard this quote yesterday and LOVE it:


"The miracle isn't that I finished....it's that I had the courage to start."
John Bingham

Weekly Weigh In and Miscellaneous

I realized that I never posted my weigh in from last Thursday.  I lost .6 making my total 65.6!  I feel GOOD!!!

This week is spring break for us.  This is a huge advantage of working for the school district.  We are not travelling this week.  We are getting lots of things done around the house.  We moved my daughter upstairs which has been a huge undertaking.  It has felt so good to go through things and donate/throw stuff away.  It has also been nice to get the added activity in each day!  :)

I started my C25K yesterday.  It went pretty well.  I was just happy to get through it.  I will do it 3 times per week.  Otherwise, I am doing my usual walking.  I have done some extra walking since I have the time to do it.  :)

Thank you for your continued reading and support of my blog!

A short term goal for me

I have always wanted to run a 5K.  Last spring, before I started this journey, I walked one.  It was a wonderful feeling to complete.  I was the last one to finish.  Yes, the police car was right behind me.

My friend Meredith (left) and me. 

March 22, 2013

 

 

 

The police car.  :)

 

I don't know why running has always fascinated me.  Maybe because I can get my workout done in half the time.  :)  I have never been a runner so this ought to be interesting.  If you see someone laying on the ground at the park, it's probably me.  LOL! 

I loaded a Couch 2 5K app on my phone.  It is an 8 week training session.  Low and behold, it is exactly 8 weeks after I will begin the training that the school I work at is hosting a 5K.  Hmm, maybe God is pushing me to do this.  I am scared to death!  Like I said, I have never been a runner. 

So, next Monday, I will begin the training.  (We have Spring Break next week so it is the perfect time to start).  All prayers are appreciated.  :)

What got me started

I have been thinking about what made me start this journey.  Besides the obvious...pain when walking, feeling horrible all of the time, can't fit in to my clothes, etc.  On July 16, 2013, I drove to Newton, KS.  My twins had been with my in-laws for two weeks in Nebraska and Julia was going to be the next one to spend time there.  So, Julia and I left home around 7:00 am.  We stopped at McDonald's and got breakfast.  I don't remember getting anything too awful but I know I got a large Diet Dr. Pepper.  Got to stay awake, right?  About two hours later, we stopped for gas.  I got a little six pack of powdered sugar donuts and another soda.  Around 12:30, we met Herman and Marj at a Braums in Newton.  I had a double hamburger value meal (yes, another soda).  While I was eating, I got really dizzy.  I went to the restroom.  (I didn't tell anyone I was dizzy).  I came back feeling a little better.  We left the restaurant and started on our way home.  About 30 minutes into it, I got very dizzy again.  To be honest, I should have pulled off the road.  I should NOT have been driving.  I was putting mine, my kids and strangers lives at risk.  But, I don't admit defeat very easily so I kept going.  I ended up making it home just fine (8 hours later) and all was well. 

I realized during that drive what I was doing to myself.  I knew that the dizziness was from all of the sugar and carbs that I had eaten and drank in the morning.  What was I doing to myself?!?!  I knew, at that moment, that it had to change.  I was miserable, physically and emotionally!  I had already planned that I would go back to Weight Watchers but this day really sealed the deal.  I knew I had to do something or I was going to have a heart attack.  Two days later, I went to my Weight Watchers meeting and the rest is history. 

I have strived everyday since then to be healthy.  I have cut WAY back on the sodas.  I usually have two a week.  I'm ok with that.  I do not consume sweets and carbs like I used too.  Do I still struggle with wanting to eat that way?  Yes!  That is a big part of the reason I started this blog.  I wanted to be able to look back and see my changes and improvements and remember how far I have come.  I have learned so much through this process.  I wouldn't trade it for anything!!

Weekly Weigh-In

I weighed in last night at Weight Watchers.  I lost 2.4.  My total is 65 pounds even!!  When I lost weight 7 years ago, I lost 74 pounds.  I then gained it all back plus 17 pounds.  It has been a "goal" for me to pass the 74 pound mark.  I'm almost there!!

Burning Boats

This post will make no sense unless you read this story first. 

http://www.andyandrews.com/eblast/051507.html

I highly recommend reading it.  It is powerful!  Very thought provoking.  I am realizing this is so true.  I do not ever want to go back to almost 300 pounds.  EVER!  I have to find ways to remind myself of this and eliminate things from my life that make me think I may go back there.

I am in the process of going through all of the clothes in my closet.  I have decided to get rid of everything that is too big.  In all of the times I have lost weight in the past, I have never taken this step.  I think that fear of failure was always there and I did not want to have to re-purchase those clothes.  Lots of self-doubt.  I'm not saying I don't still struggle with those same feelings but this time, I am trying to work through them. 

I have realized when I see these clothes stacked on the shelf or hanging in my closet, it reminds me that I may need them again someday.  It's kind of like they taunt me.  "Come on, wear me, wear me!"  I do not need that temptation, reminder, taunting, whatever you want to call it.  I need to move forward! 

So far, I have four trash bags stuffed full of clothes.  I posted on Facebook that I was wanting to get rid of them and had someone reply that can use them for a parent who is struggling financially right now.  I am so happy to be able to give them to someone who needs them.  That is an added bonus.

So, good-bye old "friends".  I loved you while I had you but I never want to see you again!!

My average

I figured out today that I have been on this journey for 31 weeks now.  I have lost 62 pounds so that is an average of 2 pounds per week.  I have had my ups and downs.  Some weeks I have gained and some I have had great losses.  Most of the time, when I had a gain, I had done everything "right" throughout the week.  When I have a gain, it is so easy to become discouraged.  In the past, this a gain would be enough for me to "throw in the towel".  I am realizing how important it is to look at the big picture!

Fear

I struggle with fear of losing weight.  I have attempted weight loss many times.  One time, I lost 74 pounds through Weight Watchers and ended up gaining it all back plus 20 more.  Most of the time, I lose about 35 pounds and for some reason, I give up and gain it all back.  I have really been trying to figure out why it is I do that each time and try to change the way I think so that it doesn't happen again. 

I have come to the conclusion that I am scared of who I will be when I lose the weight that I need to lose and of the reaction people will have to me.  I struggle with feelings of not being deserving to be "thin" and healthy.  I have not known "thin" since before I had my first child, almost 20 years ago.  That is a long time to live in my fat body.  I am kind of scared to lose the person that I am.  My heart knows that will never happen but my mind is having a hard time dealing with it.  I think I fear that people will think I will look at them differently if they are overweight.  That is NOT who I am.  I do not ever want to lose a friendship because of that.

I also struggle with the fact that I have "failed" so many times at weight loss.  I think that is why I really don't like people complimenting me on my weight loss.  I fear they are saying in their head, "she looks good but it will only be a matter of time until she gains it back like she did last time".  I tend to shy away from the compliments and would rather people not say anything at all. 

I fear that I will gain the weight back....again!  I sooo do NOT want to go back to where I was 7 months ago.  I try to remind myself everyday how far I have come, how much better I feel and how I felt before I started in July. 

So, I journey forward.  I will do my best to continue doing what I am doing and with God's help, I WILL succeed!  I know that I am more determined this time than I have ever been in the past.  I have learned so much about myself, food, addictions and exercise.  I trust all of this new knowledge will be enough to keep me going.  :) 

Weekly Weigh In

I weighed in at Weight Watchers last night.  I was down 1.2 pounds.  My total is 62.6!  :)

Have your cake and eat it too?!

I made a decision yesterday.  I have decided to give up cake.   A piece of cake is much like a donut for me.  A trigger food!  I am finding that when I have an event coming up (birthdays, etc.) and I know there will be cake, I stress out about it.  I find myself thinking things like, “I want a piece of cake but I know that if I eat it, that may be the end of my healthy eating”.  I fear that one piece or even bite will send me back in to my old habits of eating.  That may sound crazy but to me it is a very real thought!  Cake and donuts are a major trigger food for me.  I wish it was easy enough for me to eat a small piece and move on but I am realizing that it’s not!  I think if I treat cake like I have treated donuts and not allow myself to indulge, that would be the best decision I can make.

As soon as I made the decision to give it up,  I felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders.  It’s easier for me to look at a food item and say that I can’t have it as opposed to wondering if I should allow myself a piece/bite and hope that it doesn’t trigger a downhill spiral. 

The kind of cake I’m referring to is the bakery kind.  Lots of buttercream icing.  A big corner piece.  You get the idea, right?!?!  I am fine with a homemade cake with maybe some powdered sugar or cool whip on top.  That is not a trigger for me.  But I still have to be careful.

I have also learned that I have to make these kinds of decisions for ME and not anyone else.  So many times, I feel myself feeling guilty if someone offers me something that I don’t want to eat.  They will say things like, “oh, you probably can’t have that”.  YES, I can have that, I can have whatever I want, I just have to choose what is worth it to me.  I have heard people say that when you are losing weight/trying to be healthier and someone offers you a “treat”, you should just take a bite or small piece so that you don’t offend them.  I don’t agree with that.  In my opinion, if they get offended, that is their problem.  I am doing this for ME and nobody else!  I would never be rude about turning it down.  I will always tell them that I am trying to watch what I eat.  If they are truly my friend, they will understand.

So, my twins birthday is tomorrow.  We will be purchasing a cake this weekend.  I feel very good about it.  I’m not worried about seeing it sitting on the counter.  I can’t have any and I am totally ok with that!  J

You CAN do it!

I have had several people tell me that they try to lose weight and the scale will not go down.  I have struggled with my weight for almost 20 years now.  I have always known that if I eat right, exercise and have my mind focused, I can lose weight.  By no means am I trying to say that is easy.  It is NOT!  You have to be ready to take "the challenge".  If you're not, you will fail.  I have had many times where a friend has said, let's do this together.  I just wasn't "there".  I would watch them lose weight and I just couldn't get myself in the frame of mind to do it.

I have had many times where I lose anywhere from 35-75 pounds and then gain it all back plus 10-15 more.  This time around is different for me.  I am constantly thinking about how I will keep the weight off.  "How am I going to handle maintenance?"  Before, I would always have a goal in mind.  A wedding, trip, family reunion, etc that I was trying to lose X amount of pounds before I attended.  I have found that is not a good way to do it.  For me, I would lose the weight, feel wonderful for that event and then it was done.  I would slip back to my old habits as soon as that event was over. 

My sister in law is getting married in June.  Normally, that would be a huge goal for me to lose weight.  This time, it hasn't been.  I know that I will feel good about myself that day but that is not what is all about.  That is a major accomplishment for me.  I know that if I let myself start thinking about how much weight I want to lose weight for the wedding, I am setting myself up for slipping back into old habits when it is over.  Yes, I am excited about taking family pictures that day and not feeling like I will need to hide behind someone.  :)

I used to think all of the time, "I just don't have time to exercise".  I work a full time job and have 4 kids.  I know it is not easy to find the time but I have done it.  Right now, my exercise of choice is walking outside.  It is my time by myself.  Many times, I will get home from work and walk for an hour or so.  I take advantage of my weekends and walk at least an hour a day.  It can happen, you can find the time.  You just have to make it happen!  On a side note, I am really looking forward to daylight savings time in a few weeks so that I can walk after dinner.  :)

I strongly believe that anyone can lose weight.  If you put forth the effort, it will happen.  I realize that not everyone is physically able to exercise.  For those people, it will take longer.  If you can't lose weight, it may be a medical issue (thyroid, etc.) and you need to see your doctor.  I realize that everyone's metabolism is different and not everyone is going to lose at the same rate.  That is normal.  I am very fortunate that I seem to have a good metabolism and can lose weight fairly quickly.

I have found through this journey that I feel so much better just because I am eating healthier.  I am learning that it is not all about the number on the scale.  Yes, it's nice to see it go down but there are so many more benefits than that.  I love the fact that I don't yawn all day.  I used to yawn constantly.  I now realize it was because of all of the junk that I was consuming.  Starting my day off with donuts, McDonalds, soda.  Soda was a whole other issue for me.  :/  (I now only drink it once or twice a week). 

You will never hear me telling someone they need to lose weight.  I have been in that place so many times myself.  I KNOW that I need to lose weight.  I don't need anyone reminding me.  You have to get to the place where you are mentally ready to do it for YOU! 

That is my rant for today!  :)

Progress Pics

My official "before" picture. 

 June 28, 2013

 

50 pounds gone

 

 

 

60 pounds gone!

 

 



 

 

 

From start to present...

 

 

 



 

Weekly Weigh-In

I weighed in at Weight Watchers last night.  After 2 weeks, I lost 5.4 pounds.  (I couldn't weigh in last week due to the ice storm).  I have lost 61.4 pounds total!  WooHoo!!

Donuts

I LOVE donuts!  They are my favorite food in the whole wide world.  Our town is about to get a Dunkin' Donuts.  Not good...  They are open 24 hours.  :/

When I started this journey in July I knew I had to figure out what foods are considered trigger foods for me.  I have several.  Donuts, cake, pizza, brownies, cookies, pretty much anything baked!  I knew that most of these I could "control" with eating an appropriate portion.  Donuts is not one of those things.  I literally could eat a dozen donuts in one sitting.  I was at the point before I started weight watchers where I was buying them 2-3 times a week.  I would easily eat 3 or 4 at a time.  (I would then take a nap)!  :/  I decided then that I had to cut donuts out of my life.  I have not had a donut since July.  Hard to believe!  I am around donuts often.  They appear at work frequently.  My kids usually have them on Saturdays for breakfast and they just seem to be everywhere!  It has gotten a little easier.  I will take my kids to the donut shop, give them some cash and send them in by themselves!  I'm not sure it would be good for me to walk inside of a donut shop at this point.  The smell alone.......

I am not saying I will never have a donut again.  Maybe I will, maybe I won't.  My life has been just fine without them. 

I am able to eat my other trigger foods but I have to be very careful.  I don't tend to eat cake very often because it throws me into a sugar coma.  I can pretty easily do pizza.  I decide ahead of time how much I will eat and stick to it.  I always have a salad with it, that definitely helps!  I also enjoy making my own pizza.  So much less grease that way!  If I eat brownies or cookies, I definitely portion them out.  Dave wanted to make chocolate chip cookies on Sunday.  I told him that was fine but that he needed to put them away (off of the counter) once they cooled off.  If I would have had to touch them, well, that may not have been good!  I do NOT want to deprive my family of these yummy foods.  I have noticed that they eat less of all of the foods mentioned above because I am not bringing them into the house on a continual (very often) basis! 

Mileage

Since August 5, 2013, I have walked 335 miles outside.  I use the RunKeeper app to track my exercise.  I have done a few days of elliptical when I have not been able to get outside due to weather.  The elliptical really affects my back so I try to stay away from it as much as I can.  I LOVE to walk outside!  I use that time to listen to podcasts or music.  I will go out if it's cold, warm or misting.  Snow/ice hold me back!  Thankfully, living in Texas, that doesn't happen to often.   

I have discovered that it is very important to buy new shoes occasionally.  It makes a huge difference!  I purchased a new pair on January 20th and feel like I'm walking on a cloud!  I love New Balance shoes.  We have a store close by so that is where I go to purchase my shoes. 

My week and weekly weigh in!

It's Thursday.  Normally, I would be just getting home from Weight Watchers.  I was not able to go tonight because of the weather.  We had about a half an inch of snow today and it is too slick.  (I drive about 25 minutes to my meetings).  They ended up cancelling the meeting which made me feel a little better.  :)  I look forward to it every week.  I enjoy the meeting, people and time to myself.  It is my evening out.  I always go to Chick Fil A afterwards and eat on the way home.  I have decided I will just wait until next week to weigh in.  I'm ok with that.  :)

This kind of weather makes me want to EAT!!  We ended up making homemade pizzas tonight and I stayed in my points.  Now, I am baking chocolate chip cookies.  My favorite.  Ever since I started doing Weight Watchers (about 7 years ago), my weigh in night is my "treat" night.  When I was first doing it (7 years ago), I would binge after the meeting and my weigh in.  I always figured I had the whole next week to work it off.  I would have a list of foods that I had "deprived" myself of all week, and I would have a little of each of them.  I have since realized that was probably not the smartest and healthiest thing to do.  This time around, I do allow myself a treat but I have much more control with my choices.  I get a cookie with my grilled sandwich meal at Chick Fil A and then may have a small snack before bed.  I stay in my points for the day/week though!  So, tonight, my "treat" is the cookies.   

We have a snow day tomorrow!  Pretty awesome with only 1/2 inch of snow on the ground.  :) 

Yummy Recipe and "Light" blogs

I am really trying to change my thinking with cooking and eating at home.  I LOVE to eat out.  Always have, always will.  I am trying to come up with new recipes that my family and I can enjoy at home.  I have no interest in cooking diet food, trust me!  I know for me, that wouldn't last and my family would stick up their noses at it!  I have come across a couple of blogs that have lighter recipes.  Normal food, that is the key for me!

Here are two websites that I have found:
skinnykitchen.com
skinnytaste.com


I made a chocolate bundt cake for the super bowl party we went to last night.  I loved it!  It is light, but not diet.  Here is a link to the recipe:

http://www.skinnykitchen.com/recipes/double-dark-chocolate-chip-bundt-cake-simple-and-delicious/

I will post any fun, yummy recipes that I find. 

Walkin' in the rain

This morning, I walked in the rain.  At first it was a light mist and not too bad.  It started to pick up a little and I was tempted to come home.  I decided that I would keep pushing through.  I would eventually be dry...

VICTORY and Weekly Weigh In

I weighed in tonight at Weight Watchers.  I gained .6.  As I was waiting for the meeting to start, I became very excited.  I realized that after 6 months of doing this, I was NOT disappointed in myself for gaining.  Six months ago, this may have been enough for me to quit. 

 I did everything "right" this week.  I know that I was eating healthier and making better choices.  I walked around 13 miles, so my exercise is not the problem.  Sitting there, what I realized was that in the big picture, I have lost 56 pounds in 6 months.  AND....  probably even better....  I feel GREAT!!!  That is what matters!  It has taken me a long time to get to the point of believing in myself and that I am worth this process!  I am worth being healthy.  I am worth being able to keep up with my kids.  I am worth being able to walk 3.6 miles without feeling like I am going to die!  I am worth enjoying life.  What a great realization.  :)

Baby it's cold outside!

You may not be able to tell, but my face is frozen in this picture.  I had just gotten done walking (yesterday) and was trying to capture my red cheeks.  :/

Trying to understand protein!

I am trying to understand protein.  It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.  I drink a protein shake for breakfast every day that supposedly has 30 grams of protein in it.  You would think that would keep me full for 4 hours but it doesn't.  That's fine.  I prefer eating smaller meals/snacks frequently throughout the day.  But...I wish I could feel full more than I do! 

Right now, my exercise of choice is walking.  On the weekends, I walk first thing in the morning before I have anything to eat. I do not have any problems.  I could keep going and going and going...  During the week, I can't do that because I work.  (I'm not willing to get to the gym at 4:45, I value my sleep)!  I walk for about 40  minutes and start to feel the "let down".  By the time I complete 45 minutes or so, I am shaking like a leaf.  I generally eat a Fage yogurt before I go which has 13 grams of protein in it.  You would think that would hold me.

Since I started listening to the podcasts on Half Size Me, I have learned a lot about food.  I am realizing that I probably need more food each day than what I am eating.  I know I am right at the edge of figuring all of this out.  I have asked advice from an "expert" so I'm excited to hear what she has to say.  Oh, so much to learn!  Carbs, protein, sugar, fiber, UGH!

Thank you!!

I just want to say thank you to all of you who have commented on the blog.  Many of you have commented at work that you are reading my blog.  I am so excited to be an encouragement to you.  It has been fun to talk to you about your weight loss struggles and successes.  When I started this last week, it was a HUGE step for me.  I have thought about it for a couple of months and have also prayed about it.  The main reason I started it was to be able to journal my weight loss journey and for the accountability to myself.  If I'm writing it down, I will never go back to the way I was, right?!  It was also a huge step to "announce" it on Facebook.  I am not one who likes extra attention.  I figured I would announce it one time.  

I was thinking today that I wish there was a special "suit" that I could put on from time to time to make me remember how I felt 6 months ago.  Kind of like they do on The Biggest Loser when they make the contestants carry the amount of weight they have lost up to that point.  I need to remember where I was and how much better I feel now.  Six months ago, my legs hurt ALL of the time.  My feet killed me constantly.  I would be sitting watching TV in the evenings and my legs would go numb.  I can remember sitting at my desk at work and dreading having to stand up.  I literally had to push myself off on my desk.  I was miserable!  For the most part, all of those pains are gone!  I do struggle with low back pain but I am beginning to think that is just a part of me and also hereditary.  If I could afford to see my chiropractor once or twice a week, I would!  :) 

We attended a beautiful wedding in Nebraska this past June.  I was at my highest weight ever at that point.  I was miserable.  I was so embarrassed.  I can remember sitting at the reception and just wishing I could go to my hotel room and put my "comfy" clothes on.  Don't worry, I thoroughly enjoyed the wedding/reception.  They are a beautiful couple!  :)

Some "little" things that I have noticed after 56 pounds gone:

1.  I can easily pull the emergency brake release on my truck.  (I used to let out a huge grunt every time I had to reach down that far).

2.  I can cross my legs comfortably!  I know that is probably not helping my lower back pain but it sure feels good after not being able to do it for years!!

3.  I don't think about having to stand up from a sitting position.  I just do it!  (Some of you know exactly what I'm talking about).

4.  I sort of enjoy getting my picture taken.  Don't get me wrong, I don't love it and probably never will but I don't run the other direction like I did 6 months ago.

5.  I am much more confident.  I do NOT ever want to be over confident but I believe it is good to feel good about yourself and be able to present yourself to others in a confident and respectable way.
Does that make sense?

6.  Shopping for clothes is much more fun!


Well, that is all for today.  I'm off to make dinner, pick Julia up at school and get ready for another day!

A Couple of Recommendations

I have had a couple of people ask me about the book that I read.  It is called Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst.  Here is the amazon link:  http://www.amazon.com/Made-Crave-Satisfying-Deepest-Desire/dp/031029326X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1390685592&sr=1-1&keywords=made+to+crave
(I know there is a way to post a picture of the book on here.  Kathy will have to tell me how to do it).  :)  :)

This author is wonderful!  I learned so much about how to control my cravings by asking God to get me through them.  It may seem funny but it worked.  It was exactly what I needed to get me through the first part of my journey.

The next thing I HIGHLY recommend is this website:

http://www.halfsizeme.com/

I came across it several months ago and for some reason didn't do much with it.  I friended them on Facebook and enjoyed that part of it but that was about it.  About a week ago I decided to give it a further look.  The creator of Half Size Me lost 170 pounds.  After completing this, she started this website.  She has lots of podcasts on there interviewing people that have lost a substantial amount of weight.  It is so inspiring.  They are free podcasts and I listen to them while I walk.  They are each about an hour long.  There are all kinds of topics.  What a great way to get motivated.  There are also weekly meetings that you can join online, forums, blogs, etc.  This part of it costs a monthly fee.  I recommend giving it a look, especially if you need to lose a substantial amount of weight.  There is no set weight loss program.  She did weight watchers but there are lots of people on her site doing different things like Adkins, calorie counting, etc. 

Hope this helps.  I will post books, ideas as I come across them.  :)

This Week's Non-Scale Victories

I love to share non-scale victories.  These are things that are a change or improvement in my life that really don't have anything to do with the scale.  This week, I have two to share....


1.  Yesterday, we had a Dallas weather person (Colleen Coyle, Channel 8) visit our school.  I had my picture taken with her.  I realized afterwards that I did not cringe to have my picture taken.  I was even ok with posting it on Facebook.  :)   Six months ago, I HATED getting in front of a camera. 

 

 

 



2.  Last night, we ate at Lenny's (a sandwich shop).  I FIT in the booth!!  Six months ago, I had to try to push the seat back to fit because it was so tight.  I was so excited!!!

Getting my family on the healthy band wagon!

I have been focusing on myself and my weight loss and healthy eating for 6 months now. It really has been all about me. I am realizing that I need to start focusing on my family and their healthy eating now along with focusing on myself. I'm not really sure how to do that. There have been many meals where they have eaten one thing and I eat what I need to eat. My kids that are still at home are 14 and twins that are almost 12. My family is extremely supportive to me but they continue to eat what they want. We have made some changes such as no diet sodas for the kids and donuts once a week instead of 2-3 times per week. :/

I want my family to be healthy.  I know that my eating habits have been a huge detriment to my kids.  Oh, how I wish I could go back 20 years and do things differently.  Don't we all??  Last summer, we enjoyed going to the middle school track as a family and we would either walk or run.  It was so good for all of us and it was fun to see the kids being active.  Hopefully, once daylight savings time returns and it warms up a little, we can get back to that.  Right now, there is a lot of sitting in front of the TV.  :(

Weekly Weigh In

I weighed in at Weight Watchers tonight.  Down 1.4 pounds.  56.6 total pounds gone forever!!:-)    I feel great.  I am now able to cross my legs.  That may not seem like much but it has been a long time since I  could do that!

Hello

I have been contemplating starting a blog for awhile now.  It is a little scary and intimidating for me.  I work full time and have 4 kids and a husband.  Will I really find time to blog??  Well, that is why it has taken me so long to "take the plunge".  If I do this, I want to be committed to it.  I tried blogging probably 6 years ago and it went well for a little while and I got too busy to keep up with it.  So, here we go...  attempt number two! 

The main focus of my blog will be tracking my weight loss and sharing my healthy changes.  I started my weight loss journey on July 17, 2013.  As of right now, I have lost 55.2 pounds.  The main way I am losing weight is through the Weight Watchers program.  This time has been a little different for me.  I am really focusing on my food addictions and dealing with my binge eating.  Food has always been a comfort for me.  I like it when I'm sad, happy, celebrating, depressed, bored, working, alone, with friends, ok, I think you get the idea.  Food is one thing I have always been able to count on.  It is always there and it is up to me when/what I eat.  I will get more into all of my food issues in a later post.

The main reason I am starting this blog is for my own accountability.  If I'm putting it out there, I'm committed!  This is a wonderful way for me to journal my journey.  Also, if I can help one other person along their journey, that will just be an added bonus!  :)  I'm sure I will post about my kids from time to time.  They really are the highlight of my life!

Thanks for stopping by!