Weekly Weigh-In

I weighed in last night at Weight Watchers.  I lost 2.4.  My total is 65 pounds even!!  When I lost weight 7 years ago, I lost 74 pounds.  I then gained it all back plus 17 pounds.  It has been a "goal" for me to pass the 74 pound mark.  I'm almost there!!

Burning Boats

This post will make no sense unless you read this story first. 

http://www.andyandrews.com/eblast/051507.html

I highly recommend reading it.  It is powerful!  Very thought provoking.  I am realizing this is so true.  I do not ever want to go back to almost 300 pounds.  EVER!  I have to find ways to remind myself of this and eliminate things from my life that make me think I may go back there.

I am in the process of going through all of the clothes in my closet.  I have decided to get rid of everything that is too big.  In all of the times I have lost weight in the past, I have never taken this step.  I think that fear of failure was always there and I did not want to have to re-purchase those clothes.  Lots of self-doubt.  I'm not saying I don't still struggle with those same feelings but this time, I am trying to work through them. 

I have realized when I see these clothes stacked on the shelf or hanging in my closet, it reminds me that I may need them again someday.  It's kind of like they taunt me.  "Come on, wear me, wear me!"  I do not need that temptation, reminder, taunting, whatever you want to call it.  I need to move forward! 

So far, I have four trash bags stuffed full of clothes.  I posted on Facebook that I was wanting to get rid of them and had someone reply that can use them for a parent who is struggling financially right now.  I am so happy to be able to give them to someone who needs them.  That is an added bonus.

So, good-bye old "friends".  I loved you while I had you but I never want to see you again!!

My average

I figured out today that I have been on this journey for 31 weeks now.  I have lost 62 pounds so that is an average of 2 pounds per week.  I have had my ups and downs.  Some weeks I have gained and some I have had great losses.  Most of the time, when I had a gain, I had done everything "right" throughout the week.  When I have a gain, it is so easy to become discouraged.  In the past, this a gain would be enough for me to "throw in the towel".  I am realizing how important it is to look at the big picture!

Fear

I struggle with fear of losing weight.  I have attempted weight loss many times.  One time, I lost 74 pounds through Weight Watchers and ended up gaining it all back plus 20 more.  Most of the time, I lose about 35 pounds and for some reason, I give up and gain it all back.  I have really been trying to figure out why it is I do that each time and try to change the way I think so that it doesn't happen again. 

I have come to the conclusion that I am scared of who I will be when I lose the weight that I need to lose and of the reaction people will have to me.  I struggle with feelings of not being deserving to be "thin" and healthy.  I have not known "thin" since before I had my first child, almost 20 years ago.  That is a long time to live in my fat body.  I am kind of scared to lose the person that I am.  My heart knows that will never happen but my mind is having a hard time dealing with it.  I think I fear that people will think I will look at them differently if they are overweight.  That is NOT who I am.  I do not ever want to lose a friendship because of that.

I also struggle with the fact that I have "failed" so many times at weight loss.  I think that is why I really don't like people complimenting me on my weight loss.  I fear they are saying in their head, "she looks good but it will only be a matter of time until she gains it back like she did last time".  I tend to shy away from the compliments and would rather people not say anything at all. 

I fear that I will gain the weight back....again!  I sooo do NOT want to go back to where I was 7 months ago.  I try to remind myself everyday how far I have come, how much better I feel and how I felt before I started in July. 

So, I journey forward.  I will do my best to continue doing what I am doing and with God's help, I WILL succeed!  I know that I am more determined this time than I have ever been in the past.  I have learned so much about myself, food, addictions and exercise.  I trust all of this new knowledge will be enough to keep me going.  :) 

Weekly Weigh In

I weighed in at Weight Watchers last night.  I was down 1.2 pounds.  My total is 62.6!  :)

Have your cake and eat it too?!

I made a decision yesterday.  I have decided to give up cake.   A piece of cake is much like a donut for me.  A trigger food!  I am finding that when I have an event coming up (birthdays, etc.) and I know there will be cake, I stress out about it.  I find myself thinking things like, “I want a piece of cake but I know that if I eat it, that may be the end of my healthy eating”.  I fear that one piece or even bite will send me back in to my old habits of eating.  That may sound crazy but to me it is a very real thought!  Cake and donuts are a major trigger food for me.  I wish it was easy enough for me to eat a small piece and move on but I am realizing that it’s not!  I think if I treat cake like I have treated donuts and not allow myself to indulge, that would be the best decision I can make.

As soon as I made the decision to give it up,  I felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders.  It’s easier for me to look at a food item and say that I can’t have it as opposed to wondering if I should allow myself a piece/bite and hope that it doesn’t trigger a downhill spiral. 

The kind of cake I’m referring to is the bakery kind.  Lots of buttercream icing.  A big corner piece.  You get the idea, right?!?!  I am fine with a homemade cake with maybe some powdered sugar or cool whip on top.  That is not a trigger for me.  But I still have to be careful.

I have also learned that I have to make these kinds of decisions for ME and not anyone else.  So many times, I feel myself feeling guilty if someone offers me something that I don’t want to eat.  They will say things like, “oh, you probably can’t have that”.  YES, I can have that, I can have whatever I want, I just have to choose what is worth it to me.  I have heard people say that when you are losing weight/trying to be healthier and someone offers you a “treat”, you should just take a bite or small piece so that you don’t offend them.  I don’t agree with that.  In my opinion, if they get offended, that is their problem.  I am doing this for ME and nobody else!  I would never be rude about turning it down.  I will always tell them that I am trying to watch what I eat.  If they are truly my friend, they will understand.

So, my twins birthday is tomorrow.  We will be purchasing a cake this weekend.  I feel very good about it.  I’m not worried about seeing it sitting on the counter.  I can’t have any and I am totally ok with that!  J

You CAN do it!

I have had several people tell me that they try to lose weight and the scale will not go down.  I have struggled with my weight for almost 20 years now.  I have always known that if I eat right, exercise and have my mind focused, I can lose weight.  By no means am I trying to say that is easy.  It is NOT!  You have to be ready to take "the challenge".  If you're not, you will fail.  I have had many times where a friend has said, let's do this together.  I just wasn't "there".  I would watch them lose weight and I just couldn't get myself in the frame of mind to do it.

I have had many times where I lose anywhere from 35-75 pounds and then gain it all back plus 10-15 more.  This time around is different for me.  I am constantly thinking about how I will keep the weight off.  "How am I going to handle maintenance?"  Before, I would always have a goal in mind.  A wedding, trip, family reunion, etc that I was trying to lose X amount of pounds before I attended.  I have found that is not a good way to do it.  For me, I would lose the weight, feel wonderful for that event and then it was done.  I would slip back to my old habits as soon as that event was over. 

My sister in law is getting married in June.  Normally, that would be a huge goal for me to lose weight.  This time, it hasn't been.  I know that I will feel good about myself that day but that is not what is all about.  That is a major accomplishment for me.  I know that if I let myself start thinking about how much weight I want to lose weight for the wedding, I am setting myself up for slipping back into old habits when it is over.  Yes, I am excited about taking family pictures that day and not feeling like I will need to hide behind someone.  :)

I used to think all of the time, "I just don't have time to exercise".  I work a full time job and have 4 kids.  I know it is not easy to find the time but I have done it.  Right now, my exercise of choice is walking outside.  It is my time by myself.  Many times, I will get home from work and walk for an hour or so.  I take advantage of my weekends and walk at least an hour a day.  It can happen, you can find the time.  You just have to make it happen!  On a side note, I am really looking forward to daylight savings time in a few weeks so that I can walk after dinner.  :)

I strongly believe that anyone can lose weight.  If you put forth the effort, it will happen.  I realize that not everyone is physically able to exercise.  For those people, it will take longer.  If you can't lose weight, it may be a medical issue (thyroid, etc.) and you need to see your doctor.  I realize that everyone's metabolism is different and not everyone is going to lose at the same rate.  That is normal.  I am very fortunate that I seem to have a good metabolism and can lose weight fairly quickly.

I have found through this journey that I feel so much better just because I am eating healthier.  I am learning that it is not all about the number on the scale.  Yes, it's nice to see it go down but there are so many more benefits than that.  I love the fact that I don't yawn all day.  I used to yawn constantly.  I now realize it was because of all of the junk that I was consuming.  Starting my day off with donuts, McDonalds, soda.  Soda was a whole other issue for me.  :/  (I now only drink it once or twice a week). 

You will never hear me telling someone they need to lose weight.  I have been in that place so many times myself.  I KNOW that I need to lose weight.  I don't need anyone reminding me.  You have to get to the place where you are mentally ready to do it for YOU! 

That is my rant for today!  :)

Progress Pics

My official "before" picture. 

 June 28, 2013

 

50 pounds gone

 

 

 

60 pounds gone!

 

 



 

 

 

From start to present...

 

 

 



 

Weekly Weigh-In

I weighed in at Weight Watchers last night.  After 2 weeks, I lost 5.4 pounds.  (I couldn't weigh in last week due to the ice storm).  I have lost 61.4 pounds total!  WooHoo!!

Donuts

I LOVE donuts!  They are my favorite food in the whole wide world.  Our town is about to get a Dunkin' Donuts.  Not good...  They are open 24 hours.  :/

When I started this journey in July I knew I had to figure out what foods are considered trigger foods for me.  I have several.  Donuts, cake, pizza, brownies, cookies, pretty much anything baked!  I knew that most of these I could "control" with eating an appropriate portion.  Donuts is not one of those things.  I literally could eat a dozen donuts in one sitting.  I was at the point before I started weight watchers where I was buying them 2-3 times a week.  I would easily eat 3 or 4 at a time.  (I would then take a nap)!  :/  I decided then that I had to cut donuts out of my life.  I have not had a donut since July.  Hard to believe!  I am around donuts often.  They appear at work frequently.  My kids usually have them on Saturdays for breakfast and they just seem to be everywhere!  It has gotten a little easier.  I will take my kids to the donut shop, give them some cash and send them in by themselves!  I'm not sure it would be good for me to walk inside of a donut shop at this point.  The smell alone.......

I am not saying I will never have a donut again.  Maybe I will, maybe I won't.  My life has been just fine without them. 

I am able to eat my other trigger foods but I have to be very careful.  I don't tend to eat cake very often because it throws me into a sugar coma.  I can pretty easily do pizza.  I decide ahead of time how much I will eat and stick to it.  I always have a salad with it, that definitely helps!  I also enjoy making my own pizza.  So much less grease that way!  If I eat brownies or cookies, I definitely portion them out.  Dave wanted to make chocolate chip cookies on Sunday.  I told him that was fine but that he needed to put them away (off of the counter) once they cooled off.  If I would have had to touch them, well, that may not have been good!  I do NOT want to deprive my family of these yummy foods.  I have noticed that they eat less of all of the foods mentioned above because I am not bringing them into the house on a continual (very often) basis! 

Mileage

Since August 5, 2013, I have walked 335 miles outside.  I use the RunKeeper app to track my exercise.  I have done a few days of elliptical when I have not been able to get outside due to weather.  The elliptical really affects my back so I try to stay away from it as much as I can.  I LOVE to walk outside!  I use that time to listen to podcasts or music.  I will go out if it's cold, warm or misting.  Snow/ice hold me back!  Thankfully, living in Texas, that doesn't happen to often.   

I have discovered that it is very important to buy new shoes occasionally.  It makes a huge difference!  I purchased a new pair on January 20th and feel like I'm walking on a cloud!  I love New Balance shoes.  We have a store close by so that is where I go to purchase my shoes. 

My week and weekly weigh in!

It's Thursday.  Normally, I would be just getting home from Weight Watchers.  I was not able to go tonight because of the weather.  We had about a half an inch of snow today and it is too slick.  (I drive about 25 minutes to my meetings).  They ended up cancelling the meeting which made me feel a little better.  :)  I look forward to it every week.  I enjoy the meeting, people and time to myself.  It is my evening out.  I always go to Chick Fil A afterwards and eat on the way home.  I have decided I will just wait until next week to weigh in.  I'm ok with that.  :)

This kind of weather makes me want to EAT!!  We ended up making homemade pizzas tonight and I stayed in my points.  Now, I am baking chocolate chip cookies.  My favorite.  Ever since I started doing Weight Watchers (about 7 years ago), my weigh in night is my "treat" night.  When I was first doing it (7 years ago), I would binge after the meeting and my weigh in.  I always figured I had the whole next week to work it off.  I would have a list of foods that I had "deprived" myself of all week, and I would have a little of each of them.  I have since realized that was probably not the smartest and healthiest thing to do.  This time around, I do allow myself a treat but I have much more control with my choices.  I get a cookie with my grilled sandwich meal at Chick Fil A and then may have a small snack before bed.  I stay in my points for the day/week though!  So, tonight, my "treat" is the cookies.   

We have a snow day tomorrow!  Pretty awesome with only 1/2 inch of snow on the ground.  :) 

Yummy Recipe and "Light" blogs

I am really trying to change my thinking with cooking and eating at home.  I LOVE to eat out.  Always have, always will.  I am trying to come up with new recipes that my family and I can enjoy at home.  I have no interest in cooking diet food, trust me!  I know for me, that wouldn't last and my family would stick up their noses at it!  I have come across a couple of blogs that have lighter recipes.  Normal food, that is the key for me!

Here are two websites that I have found:
skinnykitchen.com
skinnytaste.com


I made a chocolate bundt cake for the super bowl party we went to last night.  I loved it!  It is light, but not diet.  Here is a link to the recipe:

http://www.skinnykitchen.com/recipes/double-dark-chocolate-chip-bundt-cake-simple-and-delicious/

I will post any fun, yummy recipes that I find. 

Walkin' in the rain

This morning, I walked in the rain.  At first it was a light mist and not too bad.  It started to pick up a little and I was tempted to come home.  I decided that I would keep pushing through.  I would eventually be dry...