Well, it has been almost 6 months since I have blogged anything. Going back to work in August threw me for a loop. I spend most of my day at work on the computer and when I get home, the last thing I want to do is fire up my laptop.
I have really been struggling with my weight/healthy habits. I have managed to gain 25 pounds since Thanksgiving. I have a problem with binge eating. When I start eating what I am "craving", I can't stop. It is definitely a problem. I had a lot of stressful issues in December and I let it all get the best of me and ate my way through it. Food always seems like it will be so comforting to me, and it is. Until I am done bingeing and then I feel AWFUL! It's more than feeling stomach sick. I feel so down on myself that I "did it again". It makes me depressed which sends me into another feeling of needing comfort and where do I turn? Food! Yes, it is a very vicious cycle.
The past few weeks have been tough. I have really been struggling with depression. I have been taking anti-depressants for many years now but have been on a very low dose for the past several years. I know that exercise and eating "right" help with depression but when you are in the "depths of despair", it is hard to want to exercise and all I want to do is eat, which in turn depresses me. Yep, there is that vicious cycle again! I went to see my Dr. this week. She suggested adding another anti-depressant. I was all for it! I have been taking it for 4 days and today is the first day that I feel like being normal! I am most definitely not 100% but I am hopeful!
In listening to Half Size Me, Heather talks a lot about focusing on one habit at a time and not trying to do it all. So, this week, I am focusing on exercise. I am committing to walking or doing the elliptical each day. I can do that! Next week, I will probably try to add in focusing on my food and how much I am eating each day. Right now, the thought of doing it all is extremely overwhelming and I know I would just be setting myself up for failure.
We started a Biggest Loser competition at work this week. I joined, hoping that it would give me a boost of motivation. We paid $20 to join and then when we weigh each week. If we gain, we pay $1.00/pound. I know I will probably be paying for the first couple of weeks but I am ok with that! I know that I will get my focus back. I am not going to allow myself to feel bad about it because I am doing what is best for ME and that is all that matters.
God is good. He has made himself so obvious to me throughout all of this. I know He is there for me and that I need to rely more on Him but I also strongly believe that the depression I struggle with is a chemical issue. He gives us wonderful doctors and medicines to help us and I am so very thankful for that. I have nothing to be ashamed of for taking the medicine if it is helping me.
I hope to blog more. I know it would be such a good outlet for me. Thanks for reading!
5 comments:
Welcome back!
Putting down my binge foods was a huge step for me in gaining food sobriety and stopping binge eating.
Wheat, grains, processed sugars were the worst for me.
Glad you are back to blogging and here's to finding effective problem solving. Food is only a solution to hunger. Here's to putting down the false fixes of the addictive foods.
Very glad you are catching it at 25 pounds.
Thank you Karen! I am finding that anytime I try to not eat what I am really wanting, it makes it worse!
I've been reading the books The Hunger Fix (Pamela Peeke, MD) and Food Junkies (Vera Tarman, MD).
Once I got through the mental and physical withdrawals (6-8 weeks), I realized that my shrink was right- grains and sugars were like "allergies" for me and I used them to soothe myself. And they were like a drug, too.
I've got to say that getting off "using food" has helped my mood, too.
Glad you got some good meds for the depression. That will help a lot, IMO.
Onward, start where you are.
Thanks! I sent you an email with a more detailed comment. I wasn't sure if you would even see this one. Still new to all of this! :/
Hey Cherry, really enjoyed reading your blog. I have a question for you, you haven't started the BL challenge and you already know you will be paying the $1.00/lb? I think you should reframe that. Saying that is setting yourself up for obvious, paying the money. You can do this lady! You have already made great strides. I believe in you!
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