It's been awhile.....

Well, it has been almost 6 months since I have blogged anything.  Going back to work in August threw me for a loop.  I spend most of my day at work on the computer and when I get home, the last thing I want to do is fire up my laptop.

I have really been struggling with my weight/healthy habits.  I have managed to gain 25 pounds since Thanksgiving.  I have a problem with binge eating.  When I start eating what I am "craving", I can't stop.  It is definitely a problem.  I had a lot of stressful issues in December and I let it all get the best of me and ate my way through it.  Food always seems like it will be so comforting to me, and it is.  Until I am done bingeing and then I feel AWFUL!  It's more than feeling stomach sick.  I feel so down on myself that I "did it again".  It makes me depressed which sends me into another feeling of needing comfort and where do I turn?  Food!  Yes, it is a very vicious cycle.

The past few weeks have been tough.  I have really been struggling with depression.  I have been taking anti-depressants for many years now but have been on a very low dose for the past several years.  I  know that exercise and eating "right" help with depression but when you are in the "depths of despair", it is hard to want to exercise and all I want to do is eat, which in turn depresses me.  Yep, there is that vicious cycle again!  I went to see my Dr. this week.  She suggested adding another anti-depressant.  I was all for it!  I have been taking it for 4 days and today is the first day that I feel like being normal!  I am most definitely not 100% but I am hopeful!

In listening to Half Size Me, Heather talks a lot about focusing on one habit at a time and not trying to do it all.  So, this week, I am focusing on exercise.  I am committing to walking or doing the elliptical each day.  I can do that!  Next week, I will probably try to add in focusing on my food and how much I am eating each day.  Right now, the thought of doing it all is extremely overwhelming and I know I would just be setting myself up for failure.

We started a Biggest Loser competition at work this week.  I joined, hoping that it would give me a boost of motivation.  We paid $20 to join and then when we weigh each week.  If we gain, we pay $1.00/pound.  I know I will probably be paying for the first couple of weeks but I am ok with that!  I know that I will get my focus back.  I am not going to allow myself to feel bad about it because I am doing what is best for ME and that is all that matters.

God is good.  He has made himself so obvious to me throughout all of this.  I know He is there for me and that I need to rely more on Him but I also strongly believe that the depression I struggle with is a chemical issue.  He gives us wonderful doctors and medicines to help us and I am so very thankful for that.  I have nothing to be ashamed of for taking the medicine if it is helping me.

I hope to blog more.  I know it would be such a good outlet for me.  Thanks for reading!

Half Marathon

Oh my goodness!  I did it!!  I just signed up for the Dallas Half Marathon in December.  Am I totally crazy?!  My friend and I are signing up together.  We will probably walk most of it with a little bit of jogging thrown in.  :)  This is a wonderful goal for me to spend the next 4 months working towards.  Wish me luck!!

Weigh In

I weighed in at Weight Watchers on Thursday night.  I was down .4 which brings me back to 85 pounds gone forever!  I will weigh in at Weight Watchers for 2 more weeks and then my membership will expire.

My week

It has been a good week.  I head back to work tomorrow (after my summer break).  I am looking forward to it.  It will be good to be back in the routine.   I love my job so that makes it easier too.  :)

I was down .4 pounds this week making my total 84.6.  I am still weighing in at Weight Watchers until the end of the month when my membership is done.  I have also started the weighing at home process to keep track of it here too.  

Binge eating is such a struggle for me.  I wish I could wave a magic wand and have it not be an issue ever again!  But, I know it is something I will struggle with for the rest of my life.  The bad part for me is that I can sense it coming on and I just don't care.  I know it's going to happen and I let myself do it.  I am hoping that part will get better and that I will be able to work through those feelings and stop the binge before it starts.  It's persistence, not perfection!  That's for sure!!  

I have discovered a new app for listening to podcasts on my phone.  It is called Stitcher.  I LOVE it!  I had been using the ITunes podcast app.  It was a pain and most of the time would not download the episodes I wanted to listen too.  With this app, the episodes are already there, no downloading.  I totally love it and it has given me the opportunity to branch out a little to some other podcasts.  (Since I am all caught up on Half Size Me).   I highly recommend it if you are into that kind of thing.  :)  And, it's a free app which is an added benefit.   

http://www.stitcher.com/

A Tough Decision

I have been contemplating for a couple of months now whether I should continue with Weight Watchers.  I love the program.  It has meant so much to me for the past year! (July 18th was my 1 year date).  I have enjoyed going to the meetings, having a safe/secure place to weigh in each week and most of all, I have enjoyed Thursday night being MY night.  I look forward to it every week.

I have really had to think through why I go to Weight Watchers.  Honestly, their topics repeat.   Most people probably don't stick around for a year so they wouldn't notice the repeating topics.  Don't get me wrong, I have loved the leaders that I have had.  It's not them.  They are given a topic to discuss for the week and that's what they have to do.  I get it.  I just need more.  One of the things I don't like is that once you reach lifetime, you have a 2 pound weight gain window (you weigh in once a month).  If you have gone above the 2 pounds, you have to pay $13.  Let's face it, there are times of the month that I can gain 2 pounds overnight or just by drinking a couple of extra glasses of water.

About 7 months ago, I found the Half Size Me Community.  (See my interview in a previous post).  :)  With this community, I have found exactly the support that I need.  There is a weekly online meeting, 24/7 support and I believe that I have made some lasting friendships with people all over the country.  The support with Weight Watchers consists of their e-tools (online) and a 30 minute/week meeting.  I have never really used the e-tools with the exception of looking up points for restaurants.

All that to say, I have decided to terminate my Weight Watchers membership.  Believe me, this decision did NOT come easily.  I have decided to make Half Size Me my main weight loss support.  I will still count Weight Watchers points and follow their plan (mostly).  (Over the past couple of months, I have changed some things up).  Work/school are starting back up soon.  I know with all of the commitments for my kids (football/band), I am going to be very busy going to this event/that event, etc.  I would always get very frustrated when something interfered with my weigh in night at Weight Watchers.  When you work so hard all week long, you really want to go and get on the scale.  :)  I think this decision will save me a lot of frustration.  I will begin weighing on Thursday mornings when I get out of bed.  I will post my weight and any loss or gain to my HSM group.  They will keep me accountable.  :)

If you are looking to lose weight, I highly recommend Weight Watchers.  It is a great way to get started and for a lot of people, it is exactly what they need to get to their goal.  For me, I'm beginning to see that I need to move on.  Yes, I am scared.   This will be totally new for me and I will really miss MY Thursday evenings.  But, I know with the support that I have, I can do this!!

Summer

One of my favorite things about summer is fresh fruit!  I LOVE watermelon.  The only bad thing about it is that it is a pain to cut.  It definitely pays to have a good knife!!

My First 5K

I ran my first 5K on Memorial Day, May 26, 2013.  I had trained for 9 weeks using the C25K app.  I was so excited and pumped to be able to do this.  I ended up running most of it and my finishing time was 38:38.  I was very proud of that time!  I did not run the entire race but did run most of it.  Dave, Julia, Kirsten and David were there to cheer me on!  I really had a great time!  Excited to do it again.  :)