Well, it has been almost 6 months since I have blogged anything. Going back to work in August threw me for a loop. I spend most of my day at work on the computer and when I get home, the last thing I want to do is fire up my laptop.
I have really been struggling with my weight/healthy habits. I have managed to gain 25 pounds since Thanksgiving. I have a problem with binge eating. When I start eating what I am "craving", I can't stop. It is definitely a problem. I had a lot of stressful issues in December and I let it all get the best of me and ate my way through it. Food always seems like it will be so comforting to me, and it is. Until I am done bingeing and then I feel AWFUL! It's more than feeling stomach sick. I feel so down on myself that I "did it again". It makes me depressed which sends me into another feeling of needing comfort and where do I turn? Food! Yes, it is a very vicious cycle.
The past few weeks have been tough. I have really been struggling with depression. I have been taking anti-depressants for many years now but have been on a very low dose for the past several years. I know that exercise and eating "right" help with depression but when you are in the "depths of despair", it is hard to want to exercise and all I want to do is eat, which in turn depresses me. Yep, there is that vicious cycle again! I went to see my Dr. this week. She suggested adding another anti-depressant. I was all for it! I have been taking it for 4 days and today is the first day that I feel like being normal! I am most definitely not 100% but I am hopeful!
In listening to Half Size Me, Heather talks a lot about focusing on one habit at a time and not trying to do it all. So, this week, I am focusing on exercise. I am committing to walking or doing the elliptical each day. I can do that! Next week, I will probably try to add in focusing on my food and how much I am eating each day. Right now, the thought of doing it all is extremely overwhelming and I know I would just be setting myself up for failure.
We started a Biggest Loser competition at work this week. I joined, hoping that it would give me a boost of motivation. We paid $20 to join and then when we weigh each week. If we gain, we pay $1.00/pound. I know I will probably be paying for the first couple of weeks but I am ok with that! I know that I will get my focus back. I am not going to allow myself to feel bad about it because I am doing what is best for ME and that is all that matters.
God is good. He has made himself so obvious to me throughout all of this. I know He is there for me and that I need to rely more on Him but I also strongly believe that the depression I struggle with is a chemical issue. He gives us wonderful doctors and medicines to help us and I am so very thankful for that. I have nothing to be ashamed of for taking the medicine if it is helping me.
I hope to blog more. I know it would be such a good outlet for me. Thanks for reading!
